Joanna McDonald

Coming in 2nd place

May 22, 2026

how I've maintained sanity through countless rejections

I’m no stranger to being 2nd place.

I have had countless opportunities or jobs that were basically promised to me that I ended up losing out on. It used to really get to me.

I remember an IT internship I was applying to in college that I was super excited about. The interviews went amazingly, it was between me and one other person, and the manager had pretty much told me that I had the job. I was waiting to hear back with the results, then the big ice storm of 2021 happened in Austin. If you were there for this, you know it was pure chaos. Towards the end of that week, I was at my ex’s apartment where the power was still out, grabbing a few things to take to my parent’s house where we were staying. I got a phone call from the manager and learned that unfortunately, I did not get the internship. I maintained my composure and was very professional and kind on the call, but I definitely cried a bit after hanging up the phone. I felt frustration, disappointment, and most of all, I felt awful being second place.

What was so wrong with me?

The thing about coming in 2nd place constantly is that you begin to feel like something is wrong with you. Especially when all of these opportunities are promised to you and taken away. What changed? You have so many questions that you’ll simply never get the answer to. I knew who the other candidate was that got the job from the hiring manager commenting on their LinkedIn and I couldn’t stop comparing myself.

In 2025, at my first IT job out of college, I was up for an incredible opportunity for a promotion as an Application Analyst. This would have begun to boost my career at the company and get me started in moving up the ranks, as well as get me a great pay raise. I saw the position and applied randomly, not thinking that I would ever be considered given my experience compared to the other people I thought would apply. I was correct that I had less experience than a lot of the applicants, but to my surprise, the hiring managers and team actually liked me. I went from not caring much whether or not I got the job to being incredibly invested. The managers and people on the team told me they were hoping I was going to apply. Who I considered the strongest member of the team told me he thought I was the best candidate and would advocate for me. People with more experience than me were being rejected because of either how relevant the experience was or their soft skills in the interview. I’m good at interviewing, but I’m certainly not perfect.

Interviewing is a complex skill, where you have to showcase both technical knowledge and expertise, while also charming the interviewers. I’m an intelligent and friendly person, but it can be hard during the pressure of an interview to manage all of these factors. I think interviews can tell when we’re being fake.

But where is the line between being obviously fake as hell and playing up our friendliness and extroversion?

One candidate who I’ll refer to as Megan was also interviewing. By coincidence, I had actually started at the same time as her back in the summer of 2022 when we were both interns at the same location. I had left after my internship to finish my degree and returned in 2024, while she continued to work there. So, she had maybe 1 more year of experience than me. We both had the same job title as level 2 analysts. Despite her having a bit more experience than me time-wise at this company, I knew that I was a stronger candidate than her in terms of our technical knowledge and skills. The team member that wanted me hired even recognized this. I knew she was quite bubbly and good at talking, but I had already mentally crossed her off of my list of genuine competition. I assumed she had already been kicked out of the running at some point in the fairly long interview process. That was my mistake for underestimating her, and I suppose overestimating myself.

Comparison is, as they say, the thief of joy. I’ve learned from these experiences to never underestimate your competition. You have no idea what goes on behind the scenes, and sometimes your impression of others is not the same impression that interviewers will receive. Everyone is competition until proven otherwise.

I had a few interviews with the managers and the team themselves. The managers were speaking very positively about me during the process to my manager, saying things like I had really raised their expectations and set a high bar during my interviews. I didn’t know everything that they were telling him, but I knew it must be good because he was completely operating under the assumption that I had the job in the bag and would be leaving our team soon. He was even planning when they would start the interview process for my job. Because of what he was telling me, what the hiring managers were saying to me, and what the team member I spoke to was telling me, I was certain I had the job. It was down to me and one other candidate, I just had to wait for them to finish the rest of the interview process.

The waiting game began.

It can be hell waiting to find out. You’ll go from being certain you have this in the bag to being filled with doubt more and more with each passing day. A lot of times, this doubt that sets in is warranted, unfortunately.

One day after work, I finally received a call from one of the managers. As soon as she began speaking, I had a bad feeling. I was just waiting to hear it. She finally told me they went with the other candidate. I began to tear up and felt my voice get shaky. What she had told me was that it was a very tough decision between the two candidates. I found it kind of annoying that the two people in charge of the team didn’t recognize me as being a better fit. I thought my team interview went well, but apparently I wasn’t good enough. She told me that she still thought I was a great fit, and that if another position were to open on the team, she hoped I would apply again. That was great feedback to receive, but ouch, it still hurt. I once again maintained my composure and thanked her for the opportunity. But when I got off the phone, the tears began to fall. I was devastated. I truly thought the job was mine, I was just waiting to hear her say it.

I messaged the team member I’d been talking to, letting him know I didn’t get the job. At this point I still didn’t know who had the job. He told me it had been down to me and Megan, so clearly she received the offer. He also told me that the team was completely split between me and Megan and that it was a very hard decision for them, so the final decision was left to the two managers. This hurt me. I felt betrayed, almost, because of how the managers had been speaking to me like the job was fine. What did I say, or what didn’t I say, to convince them of that?

The thing about rejection is, it doesn’t help knowing it was a hard decision. They still didn’t choose me.

It seriously pissed me off. I knew for a fact that I was better than her in a technical sense. This was not just my opinion, everyone said this. I don’t know if the managers were aware of this and I also don’t know that based off of the interviews if that was reflected, as there were not a ton of technical questions. I thought it would have been more clear to them that I was better, that I was smarter. It was an ego death in a way. Once again, I knew she had a good personality and could talk. So I knew that she had clearly interviewed better than me and they felt she would be a better fit. It pissed me off knowing that I was the better candidate and they still didn’t choose me. Why didn’t the team like me enough? Why was it such a hard decision? Why would they choose wrong? What was wrong with me that I was never chosen?

Did I mention I received this call on 9/11/2025? Yes, this was, at the time, my personal 9/11.

I think this was the final nail in the coffin with that job. I still worked hard and did my job well, but I felt so let down by the company that my heart wasn’t in it anymore. It was hard seeing Megan come around to do her team’s work at my hospital, and I resented her for a while. I was never ever rude to her, but it really hurt. Eventually, I accepted it. I got over the disappointment and the feeling of being blindsided, and accepted that she simply interviewed better than me. Did they make the wrong decision? Maybe. I’ll never know how she’s doing at that job now, but I’m sure she’s doing fine. Hopefully, for her sake. She has always been very kind to me, so I truly wish her the best at this point.

It’s important to not put down others in the pursuit of our own happiness. We are all on our own journeys. For sanity purposes, wishing others the best is best practice. Treat no one as below you. Others may see things quite differently.

I feel that this happening truly changed me and not just in my attitude towards the job. Perhaps I changed for the better. After the amount of rejection I’d faced by this point, I came to terms with the process. I no longer get my hopes up so much at opportunities that come up, and the rejection doesn’t hurt so much anymore. It isn’t that the world has beaten me down into submission, but that I’ve simply learned from experience. While people should truly refrain from making promises they don’t 100% intend to keep, this just seems to be the way the world works.

I do wonder why they bother making such promises. I’ve never been on the interviewer end of a job interview, so I don’t know exactly what that’s like. Maybe they get excited about you as a candidate and get caught up in the moment. Maybe they believe what they’re saying at the time. I find it irresponsible to get someone’s hopes up so much, though. Just to be ultimately let down. What are we supposed to do in the aftermath? All of a sudden, those promises fade away, and we’ll never truly know why.

Even while interviewing for my current job I tried to not get my hopes up. In my final interview, the manager told me there was one other candidate but that it was looking good for me. I cringed a bit internally, not at him but at myself, feeling my hopes rise a bit. I stayed grounded and kept in the back of my mind that I didn’t have it yet. I tried to not care so much until I knew I had the job. I’ve learned to never believe I have something until I have it for certain. Luckily, I received that fateful call while chilling on my balcony, enjoying the beautiful evening weather. I truly needed that win.

In this competitive job market, rejection is constant, so it’s so easy to get your hopes up when an opportunity finally seems like it’s going to pan out. That’s what makes the rejection that much more devastating. In the pursuit of sanity, we must push ourselves to not care. It can be cutthroat and nothing is promised. It’s all just business, so taking your heart out of the equation is the only way to survive.

I’ll leave you with this. I believe what’s meant to be will be. If I don’t get something, it wasn’t meant for me. The opportunities that do pan out are what is meant to be. The rest is just background noise. Your perspective may be different than mine on this, and that’s okay. All we can do in this current climate is accept that those opportunities which pass us by weren’t where we belong, even if we believe we deserved it. This is how to protect your peace.

What's meant to be, will be.